Friday, January 25, 2002

So. Its all over.
I arrived home at seven thirty this morning and I guess that means I'm really truly finished. Its still so completely surreal to be here. I had forgotten how big and empty this place was!
I had in short, one of the most incredibly emotional weeks of my life! I probably would have been okay if the final orientation camp had been full of other people who were excited and ready to go home. But it wasn't. It was full of similarly shaky sad exchangees who just wanted to go home and hold their host mummy's hand while she fussed over them. But what must be done must be done! shikata ga nai deshou! So we moped around for a while crying about how we had to give up our lives we worked so hard to create and then had a bit of a party and, well the story goes on but I will end it here! I was once again shocked by how much I had come to like people I disliked so strongly in the beginning! There is a lesson in that somewhere...
Saying goodbyes are obviously no fun. Especially since the last week is always the week where you feel like everything is finally in place. I even managed to think school was sort of fun for the last week, as I wrote in a poem a few months back 'Memories tend to glow purple and gold despite that reality was blue-grey and yellow' and I have to tell you that the last week was pretty golden...
My host mum had a fit laughing when I told her about all the mistakes I made with my japanese. Like the fact that I bought gifts for my host grand parents only to find out they were either dead ofr living in a grave yard (she laughed until she cried about that as she remembers me shoving something desperately in to my handbag on the way from the car- the presents) as well as many many countless other escapades of Claire's japanese just not pulling through... I certainly learned to laugh at myself this year because I knew if i didn't that everyone else would be!
My host mother made me cry on frequent occasions by just being her... I read a letter from her on the plane and just felt so relieved that it was over but so unhappy I couldnt keep going anymore.
Its been a pretty big year.
I am home now and I have caught up with a lot of the people that mattered to me this year, my family- in particular my little gran, Sophie, and tomorrow everyone else at my party...
So, this is the last entry. Thanks for sharing the journey with me. I you want to know anything about Japan or settling back in feel free to give me an email...
But before I go, can I tell you the best thing I ever did was to jump blindly off the the edge of security...?
Give it a try. Ganbatte ne.
Otsukaresamedeshita. Okage samade. Osewa ni narimashita. Omedatou Gozaimasu.
posted by Claire English @ 10:33 PM

Wednesday, January 09, 2002

I always feel like exhaling loudly when I sit down to write this... not sure why... anyway good afternoon everyone!
You may find the following diary entry cloying and syrupy, because I am currently battling through my first full day at school without my miss swiss... Andi if you are reading this 'COME BACK! OCHA IS LIKE A FUNERAL HOUSE WITHOUT YOU! QUICK ITS SERIOUS IF I STOP DRINKING LATTE'S EVERYDAY I MIGHT LOOSE WEIGHT- THE HORROR!' Yup okay its out of my system now. Poor Andi, I always feel sorry for people who aren't big cry babies like me when it comes to goodbyes. Sorry because I am sometimes so overly emotionally driven that if someone pops out to get some milk at the wrong time of the month I am liable to start sobbing, and more so because if I am crying people sort of wish they were, or feel bad they aren't too. Andi dont stress, after you left the salon and I apologised to the beatiful tokyoian styler for bawling in his studio he told me I had the power to become like Angelina Jolie, so obviously that distracted me from being sad. It also started me wondering why I was spending 15 thousand yen in a hairdressing salon if the styler was so apparently blind, so I had two things to distract me. My mind is doing that wondering around like headless chook thing again, sorry. Andi, In short thank you for everything.
Thank you for being my shadow and my leader, my best friend and my best enemy. For knowing me so well you could destroy me in a second but for teaching me the truths about me I didnt want to look for... Oh yeah, and thanks for making me fat you chocolate making cheese eating Heidi.... just joking! I love you!
Our lovely gaijin community also had to say a big goodbye to Eric from the Netherlands this week, Ciao you crazy dutch kid you, and ofcourse, last but not at all the least, our dear Jon. Going home to Sydney early for his cousins wedding or something. Its been nice having you around and we will see you in Byron.
As you can probably tell, I am coming home soon. It must be almost 2 weeks to go now. My life that took so long to put together is scarily easy to pull apart. Slowly I am saying goodbye for the last time to different people, having to think of gifts for people and the biggest one is obviously thinking about going home. I have almost forgotten who I was there.
I have a life here. I have a family here. I have friends here. I know my direction here. I have so few responsibilities. I swear, sending me home now is so cruel!
But I learned a lot. I can try and be interesting without having to be offensive now. I realised that this week when i delivered my final speech at school. The time I stood up on that stage I was scared lifeless I gave my introduction and scooted down the stairs as quickly as possible. The second was after 5 months. I got up and as tactfully as I could, called them all cold and strange and told them they were missing out on so much by studying all the time and that I was never taught to ignore someone who was crying etc etc. I was angry at Japan, because not only did I have no understanding of the people, but I didnt really want to. I thought my way was better. The last speech was this week. I still dont understand reactions that come naturally to the japanese people. I begin to think i will never truly understand. But whilst living here I have learned it is better to accept things if you can, and not get angry if you can't. My speech this time was titled 'Anzuru yori umu ga yasui' which translates as 'The fear is often greater than the danger' I told them that that was how I feel when I look back on Japan, and thats how they should think when they refuse to approach foreigners because they are unconfident. It was serious, but I am not fluent enough to make it heavy. It was the best I could do at the time. I hope one day I will do it again and do it better. I got down from the stage and wanted to sleep for about 6 months.
* * * * * * * * *
My host mum and I had a talk about a week ago, the kind of talks we used to have a lot before what will now be referred to as 'the fight' half way through Dec. Its nice to have her back. One of the highschool girls she used to councel 3 years ago committed suicide, and I guess she wanted to talk about it. She comes out with these scary home truths about me all the time. I really wonder if she knows me better than I do sometimes... I was telling her about how I havent been able to draw for about 6 months, I just can't and I dont know why, the urge isnt there. Her response made me feel transparent. 'Claire in reality you are aggressive (agh! how did she find out?) but you can't be aggressive here because you have trained yourself not to be. (stop talking! I dont want to know!) If you were emotionally able to draw I think it would scare you, you might have to let go. This has been a great year for you, and I am proud of you for working so hard, but dont be suprised you cant think of what to draw, I think we both know you are using your concentration up on being brave.'
My host mum has taught me not to worry about not being the OP1 we all wish we were at times, because she has taught me its just as, if not more important to be wise. I want to be wise like her. But I have a lot of people to try and understand before i will be like that. Umm remind me of that when I am throwing nasty comments at a certain group of bimbo's in the 'Pig and Whistle Pub' will you?!
On that lovely note (who would have guessed the bimbo's would get a mention on my page?!)
I will go home. The bell just rang. I made a whole day without Andi. Good on me.

posted by Claire English @ 3:32 PM

Monday, December 31, 2001

Okay you can all stop worrying that there is no christmas here now. I'm OK. Actually I didnt have a bad christmas at all. It was quite nice actually. Free of a lot of the commercial bullshit, family disputes about whether I should shave under my arm pits and get out of my pyjamas before the guests arrive, (remember that one Mum?!) Who I SHOULD buy presents for even if I don't want to- You will note, my dear and loved ones, that none of you received christmas presents this year (Got a problem? Why don't you come over and tell me about it?) but ofcourse it was also free of 'christmas spirit' whatever that may be.
I am not in the mood for tackling an essay on whether christmas spirit exists in this day in age because (a) Its been done and done and done and done, and (b) I've already started on a few others like 'When does it stop being a cultural difference and start being an unnatural reaction?' as well as 'Gaijin- when sticking together doesn't make you part of a team, just part of the teamless' and 'Why can they pick their noses and flick their boogers on the floor of a packed train, and I am the social outcast if I rebel and wear the wrong shoes in the sports gym.' (NB These will never be available for viewing because it is highly unlikely I will ever get off my sushi shaped arse and write them- sorry I was just being a show-off.)
Back to Christmas. My host mother was such a darling about christmas. They don't actually celebrate anything in my household-both my parents worked all christmas day, so we had a roast chook on Christmas eve.
It was interesting to note the following about 'A Shigeno Family Christmas'
1. 'Yes, its Christmas, but don't bother turning off the tele' (Atleast Australians would turn down the volume, though I am searching for Australian blood in their family tree, they are just too obscure to be Japanese sometimes- evidence currently inconclusive)
2. 'Yep here's the roast chicken- someone pass me the Soy sauce, where are my chopsticks?' Okay maybe they are japanese.
3. Christmas doesn't stop the kids from a-bickering. (evidence points to australian heritage) Infact when Maki opened Yuki's Christmas present and screamed 'Its world cup soccer tickets' when actually it was a CD voucher, I thought he might cry.
Now that's the christmas spirit I was missing...
On Christmas day I did something very unusual (haha) I hung out with our gaijin/japanese bi-lingual-ish friends and went to Karaoke! Also we played frizbee and ball games in Yoyogi Park whilst freezing to death... but it was fun. And I will miss them all very dearly... Thanks for being a good sub-in family on a day when I really needed one...
Okay I will dash off now, as my host sister is in the next room playing 'Backstreet Boys' at full blast, and we all know how agressive I get about Boybands who sing about themselves getting 'action from ya baby baby ooooh'....
Hope you had a nice Christmas and enjoy new year... I will!
posted by Claire English @ 4:24 PM

Friday, December 21, 2001

IT'S SNOWING!!! Weeee!
posted by Claire English @ 2:17 PM

Tuesday, December 18, 2001

Host Families. its not about learning japanese to be able to live with them, its about learning what their pet hates are, what seemingly inexplicable things give them the shits, how you need to act around them, what level of intimacy they can stand, what they hate but won't tell you they hate...etc...etc...etc. Its a whole truck load harder (I'm so clever with my imaginary swear words) than learning japanese I can tell you that much. And their are about 7 million books about it. But no book is going to tell you that if you don't replace the face towel in your bathroom after every use your host mother may turn icy cold and start talking to you less. It will tell you that when your host family are angry they often bottle it up until they snap. The book will not tell you that this will make you feel lower than 'the mould on the life forms feeding on the pond scum' or however it was Julia Roberts put it in My best Friends Weeding (Oh did my typo just make a joke? How cute.) It will NOT and I repeat because i think i have researched about 6.9 million of the 7 million books, It will not tell you how your family will want you to react to this blow up. How could it? Its just something you have to learn from living with them and I obviously havent learned that yet. It will not tell you that after eating half a bag of Oreo Cookies and writing christmas cards to everyone you have ever met, you will STILL no thave any inspiration on what you should do, or anymore courage to crawl out of your bed and go down stairs.
The book will tell you this is normal, and an important part of finding a compromise (between your previous lifestyle and your new one?)
It will not tell you what an enormous change that will involve. Or that the word compromise doesn't neccessarily mean a compromise beween your life and theirs but more a compromise of your previous life completely. In some cases a complete and utter sacrifice of any of the independance you once had. Its hard. It will mean you learn to live their way of face a nasty, lonely, flippping confusing year. And don't think I use the word flipping lightly (this whole trying not to swear thing is geting to me.) And even when you think you are finally getting a hang of this host family business 8 and a half months in to your stay... One day for reasons unpredicted by you, your host mother will scream angrily down the phone at you in feirce nasty japanese, because you didnt tell her you were stopping off for a 20 minute coffee before coming home, even though there was never a set curfew and you didnt think 10:30 was too late...Confused? I know I certainly am.
Ah well. I guess its back to the Oreo's and postcards until she decides I am worthy of her eye contact (let alone conversation) again.
Yes its a case of those nasty cultural differences again...
(And no, my inner gaijin is not answering my calls of desperation for overly confident, self-loving righteousness, and belief I am over and above the japanese childish mind set- it seems she thinks I screwed up too...)
posted by Claire English @ 11:43 AM

Tuesday, December 04, 2001

Ooh how time is sucked down the plughole of oblivion!! Sorry, my head is full of toilet talk and nondescript metaphors due to just finishing one of Kaz Cookes books. She's frighfully funny, but I am afraid after reading it I was somewhat convinced that in order to make myself (and this page) more entertaining I should start calling the various aggrivating authorities in my life names like Mr- Poopy-Woopy-where's-my-Booty-head. etc. Did it work? are you laughing?
Anyway enough about you, back to me! This week I decided to skip art and go to calligraphy to visit Andi and Sawako etc. They were busy putting Andi and Rosario's names in to japanese script, so I got mine done too. My name (they know me too well!) is made up of two parts 1. Kure- they chose a picture that means Red. 2. A- they chose A from Asia. So my japanese name translates as Red Asia. See in the same day I managed to find my japanese name, and a highly suitable name should I ever wish to return to Japan and dance on tables whilst removing my clothes for a living. I consider that a sucessful afternoon. My host family tried to find a less provocative Kanji, but naturally I cant remember those ones anymore. I am sticking with the strip name. I think its kind of cool.
Speaking of being provocative gaijin, I had an interesting convo with Jess today about the secret to being popular in japanese schools. Its having a boyfriend. That's all you need. Wait I will post a bit of it, 'Yeah I love how having a boyfriend makes you popular in this country. I swear all you need to have to take over an entire girls school is tell them you have a boyfriend who vaguely resmebles Leonardo diCaprio. Even a leo that looks like his face was in a blender, barely reaches 2 feet tall (all the better here) and recently graduated with twin merit certificates from viagra rehab and sexaholics anonymous would do. See? I have discoverd the elixir of popularity, but it tasted like brown bitter Macha tea so I couldnt force myself to drink it. I prefer my fanta flavoured existance thank you. Even if it doesnt involve blendered, too short over sexed Leo's. Am I crazy? Yes, quite possibly.'
It goes on a bit more but that's basically the drift. If you have photos with a guy they assume you are dating. I am sure I look like a complete floosy. But being called Red Asia, I have an excuse. I have a name to live up to. Pooh. Anyway.

Sorry this is a bit disjointed but some of the others asked me to post the lyrics to Costume Jewels, which is a song I wrote a while back for those of us who are not white trash in Tokyo,or atleast we are working hard bnot to be, but understand that there is enough around to have earned ourselves the lable....!
Costume Jewels
The line is long
The trains are full
They're so different,
Costume jewels...

Foreigners in fake leather jackets
Snuggling in thier faux fur mufflers
Watch them flick their bleached blond hair
Watch them soak in every stare

We don't know outdated faux pas
We don't care for your rules
We're so special, Can't you see?
Can't you see we're costume jewels?

The line is long
The trains are full
We're so special,
Costume Jewels...

Shiseido dripping from their red lips
Harajuku fashion's all the rage
Watch us re-invent your culture
American flags are centre stage

Foreigners dealing thrills surreal
Taste it you'll be back for more
Tokyo- it is their playground
Watch them break the Geisha down

We don't know outdated faux pas
We don't care for your rules
We're so special, can't you see?
Can't you see we're costume jewels?

It obviously would sound better sung than read, but now you all know that not only do I write strange disjointed diary entries, but songs as well. Dont get me started on the poetry I have been writing.. haha...
My host mum helped me with the shock of the nasty guy in the train so I am sort of okay about leaving the house again. hurray! ..
Off to bed now, Red Asian love to all of you... xx
posted by Claire English @ 11:15 PM

Monday, November 26, 2001

Okay, well I know I boasted about being the only PIEE exchange student who got to live in Tokyo, but this morning I began to realise that living amongst an enormous amount of people means there are a larger amount of yucky, icky nasty, greasy people too. We all know I love Tokyo, but you have to draw the line somewhere. And being followed and groped by a weird guy in a train is it. Ugh. I feel so violated! Which is so funny because I was groped by weird guys all day in the mosh pit at Big Day Out (an Australian Music Festival) but you just screetch a few expletives and they generally slink away, but when noone touches you even if they love you, its a bit much to have some guys hand up your skirt in the middle of a rush hour train.
WRONG WRONG WRONG. There, that was a three word summary of the whole experience.
Anyway I want this to be a real recount of Tokyo so I will tell it how it is (even though everytime I say something bad about Japan everyone gets a worse impression of it especially those who havent been before and for some reason i feel reason i feel guilty) But anyway iku yo. (lets go)
I have been going to school later and later recently because we are on winter schedule which lets us stay in bed longer. And today I was on the 8:34. I remember because I will never catch this train again.
I got on and was looking a total wreck, I had literally crawled out of bed, was not wearing my cute short skirt because I couldnt find it, nor was I wearing my show-off school girl fluffy socks because I couldnt find my sock glue- yes I use sock glue- basically I just wasnt exactly the sunniest child on the planet, or anything vaguely close.
But, as luck would have it, someone obviously thought I looked either attractive or desperate and decided to see if he could score himself a date. Any men reading this needing female advice , especially in Japan, the way to a woman's heart is not through her bike pants in a rush hour train, I'd give dinner and a movie a try first. Just a thought. Anyway I was on the train and could feel something tugging my skirt, I turned bared my teeth and got ready to attack, Just kidding. I am japanese so I pretended to ignore it. But then it wasnt a tug anymore (I wont be descriptive or vulgar there is no need for that) so I hissed YAMETE. Which is no stronger than the english response 'Quit it!' It was then that I discovered that (suprisingly) it was not an ugly old salary man but infact a young blond-ish japanese guy in a bad eighties tracksuit. This made me really pissed because had he gone to a local pub i am sure he wouldn't have been unsucessful in attracting a perfectly normal japanese girl, so why be a perverted little nit wit?
I eventually managed to twist on my side so he couldn't reach my oshiri (isnt that a pretty word for bottom?!) anymore. I was actually really stressed by this point. I was feeling really vulnerable even though I was so obviously physically larger and so completely not alone. Miss Swiss had a similar experience once and she too said its strange we dont think to scream or they would surely stop out of embarassment. When in rome I guess, monkey see monkey do, all of those things.

I finally reached my station and got up as fast as I could in to Tokyo station, he followed. And then started talking to me. First things firs 'do you speak japanese'. I was stupid and responded in the positive (oh the stupidity) he then ran along a series of rediculous conversation starters such as 'Sorry I touched you I was just being friendly I want to be your friend.' (no response to that one) followed by 'do you have a phone how about giving me your number' (I guess he was hoping for 'thank you for apologising for harassing me, coffee sounds great,' but I instead told him I had no phone and was leaving the country soon.) I eventually managed to get to my subwayline that he didnt have a ticket for and escaped down the stairs so distressed I was almost in tears. What has changed me in these 8 months so greatly that I let myself put up with that? I really feel like I have lost my power. But anyway that was that, and little as it was it shook me up a bit and I am worried I will see him again on the Touzai even though i dont think that is likely in the least with the number of trains and people in Edogawa but yukkky. The japanese I used for this is Kimoi- that's gutter slang for Kimochi ga warui- that was for the japanese speakers as the closest thing in english is it 'I feel yucky' and that doesnt really cover it.
But other than that life is good. My friends are great and Lisa, Eric, Jess, Fred, Andi, Megumi and Yuriko thanks for a fun long weekend...
I will see the rest of you Brisbaners in less than two months now. 22nd Jan. I might be ready to come home then. We all have to grow up eventually. And atleast I have a guaranteed seat on the train, right?
posted by Claire English @ 6:52 PM

Sunday, November 04, 2001

Bloody Seashells. I swear, its all the seashells. I should have listened to you Sophie. Seashells. What was I thinking?
This is a good entry to show the kind of people I am living with and the kind of person I am becoming. It shrugs off a lot of Japanese stereotypes, well I think so anyway, as always feel free to voice your own opinion.
It started Thursday afternoon when for the 7000th time was at a loose end for what to draw, nothing new there. I faintly recalled a conversation I had with Sophie where we laughed at the idea of ceasing to draw our politically and socially incorrect, Angry-at-the world-statement, Intense, passionate,red and black people drawings for pastel watercolours of flowers, fruit and seashells. We had groaned and screamed at the awfullness of the idea. But that particular Thursday I was flipping through the school encyclopaedia and came across 'S' as in S for seashells. I was tired and angry and hated school and wanted show the snotty little girls who werent sharing their lollies just how bitter I could be over strawberry creams, and figured what the hell it would probably be calming to sketch a 'Jackknife Clam' or two, I mean the name sounded appropriate enough.... So I shoved the 40kg encyclopadia in my bag and trundled off home.
Lets face it, it probably wasnt natural to sit around and draw pastel seashells when I really felt like drawing wolfish school girls dressed in sheep-like school uniforms, but that concept hadn't hit me yet and I was tired and pissed off, so seashells it was.
I turned up calming music I didnt usually listen to and sat with my almost perfectly new baby pinks and peachy fleshy silver greys and creams, pushed aside my short and blunt but comforting blood reds and blueberry indigos and grape coals and drew three shells and a starfish lying on a beach. I look at them now and realise they look like corpses washed up by the tide but that wasnt the idea. I was just drawing some seashells.
When I was done, I realised that it was Thursday. Thursday in the Shigeno household is girls night, its the night when my host mum refuses to cook and instead takes Maki and I out for dinner and leaves the boys to fend for themselves. Cup noodles or take out for them, Italian, French or Mexican for us. Its usually a lot of fun.
Anyway, since getting back from Kyoto I had been a little bit down, nothing crazy I just hadnt been as chatty as usual. I was pretty sure noone had noticed. To make sure my host mum knew I wasnt angry at her and because its always nice to give presents I sprayed my drawing with hair spray to keep the colours and gave it to her with, granted a somewhat fake and tried, smile on my face. Perhaps I looked more like the kind of clown that frightens children, than a happy exchange student, but I was trying!

My host mum looked at it. Looked at it again. And tears welled in her eyes. She looked so sad, it was awful! I stood there for a sec and waited for her to say something.
She grabbed my hand and said quietly, 'Claire, what's wrong?' I looked at her blankly and told her I was fine. She sighed and her voice was trembling 'Tell me what's wrong! What is this?' I paused and quietly explained it was 3 sea shells and a starfish lying on the beach. She shook her head and said firmly 'You don't draw seashells. And you dont like these colours.' I must have looked pretty bloody confused by this stage but I jokingly told her it must be japanese art, calming and quiet, and that she better look out or I would really be japanese soon. She looked at me as if someone was jumping up and down on her heart strings. 'Is it school?' I wasnt sure whether be frustrated or touched. For the third time I told her I was fine and it was just some seashells. 'We better go to dinner. We need to talk. Go and get changed and meet us at the elevator in five minutes' she told me, and with that slowly rose to her feet and walked quickly to her room. I knew better not to follow.
I sat on my futon, completely gobsmacked. What had I done?
Maki and I chatted happily on our walk to Capricosa's and my host mum seemed to have loosened up a bit so I stopped stressing and got ready to eat.
But as soon as my Minestrone soup arrived my host mum started to look firm again. I wondered if she had sneaked in to my room and discovered the white lillies I had tried to draw the day before and wondered if she might hit me if that was the case. For what ever reason, she said 'Claire we dont know what you are thinking.' I said my life was really very good and I was really grateful and really happy. She said 'You never complain, I could give you mouldy sandwiches and you would tell me they were delicious' I told her that was completely rubbish and i had only eaten one peice of mouldy toast once, and that was only because I didnt realise before I started eating it. She half smiled but said 'You sit quietly and stand up for me when the children are mean to me, even if you agree with them.' I told her that was the way it was supposed to be. 'You never tell me I am crazy, even though I am. You dont even tell Maki to shut up and EVERYONE does that. You dont yell at Yuki and you dont poke fun at Otousan (dad).' In short it seemed she was telling me to be more rude which I refused to do when I already knew my room was too messy and I was always late for dinner. 'Please. You are part of the family, and I cant be more relaxed if you cant.' And that was that.
Its weird. I could have sworn there wasnt any problems. I dont purposely hide what I think, and I really dont stand up for my host mum if she is in the wrong. Its just she works so hard and the children dont appreciate her....... AAAAAAAAGH who am I??
I have been trying to figure out how to handle all this for the past three days. But maybe I am having a real teenage angst crisis! I don't know who else to be, because I have been trying to someone better than me... more polite than me.... more japanese than me.... better at following the rules than me.... better at fitting in than me.... less intimidating and more quiet than me....better at studying than me...less red and more pink...Less Le Tigre or Tori Amos and more J-pop and mainstream than me...

I am re-reading this and feel like puking. I sound like an excerpt from Dolly magazine. 'Dear Dolly, I dont listen to Britney Spears any more and I got my period and my boyfriend has a penis. I dont know who I am anymore, and whats more i have boobs! Help me please, Signed some teenage angsty 14 year old idiot named Christy whisty.'
Hey.... that was very Claire. Maybe this isnt so tricky afterall....
posted by Claire English @ 2:43 PM

Wednesday, October 31, 2001

Whoosh time flies. Officially three months to go... and though the countdown may be on for some, I am choosing to bury my head in the ground and pretend its not happening... after all I am japanese aren't I?!
Okay last weekend I went on the Kyoto tour. (If you are either Jessica or Fred, I am sad you couldn't come but I am not going to cushion the blow if you choose to read this!) (and i can see those puppy dog eyes Jess, stop it now!) It was a lot of fun. I think, despite my adamant belief that I have zero maternal instincts as a result of being hard-arse and tough girl, it may be time to accept that I do my share of mothering when the opportunity arises. Infact, lets not dance around the topic- the truth is I am the PIEE Mummy. I didn't realise it until we all went on the trip and I was hugging everyone and checking up on how their lives and their host families were going and dealing out advice on strict host mums and telling them it would be all okay soon. It was lame, I was so...motherly.... *turning up of nose*
But it was the first time I saw the new kids since the orientation where I gave them the motivational speech, so I had to check up on them, or so goes my excuse! Back to Kyoto, anyway, I think I have to say that Kyoto is the coolest place I have been to so far. It made me realise just how unrelaxed Tokyo is. Kyoto had an entirely different atmosphere. Five minutes after entering the university I swore to work as hard as I could to achieve the dream of coming back one day to study. The motivation wore off about five minutes later when we were forced to consume soggy fat coated noodles in salty slime soup masquerading as Udon (Japanese noodles) in the canteen but I could always bring lunch from home. My mind wanders like a toothless old man in his vegetable garden, sorry. Back to Kyoto. I have decided if Tokyo is the New York of Japan, then Kyoto is the San Francisco or Vancouver or even a bit Sydney-ish. If Tokyo fashion is red, and chunky and plastic, Kyoto is rust coloured, and second hand and dred-locked. In other words its a bit more my style.
We really just cruised the whole weekend. The weather was perfect, what my mother would describe as 'brisk' but clear. I even saw my second set of japanese stars. I appreciate nature more now I see so little of it!
We 'Temple-hopped' and saw the golden temple (made of gold for those of us who need further explanation!) as well as the 3000 soldiers (gees these names sound boring in english!) which totally flipped me out, there is something very eerie about 3000 statues staring at you, but maybe I am just paranoid after japanese rush hour trains, and at least these soldiers weren't trying to pick me up in bad english.
I have truly learned to appreciate public bathing (watch out!) its amazing how memorable Deep and meaningfuls are when you are squeezed naked in to a boiling bath with someone, you don't get much more open than that! Thank you to Amy and Kylie for those deep and meaningfuls, they will be with me always.
I don't really know what to tell you about the weekend, I met a cute Swedish boy, who lives too far away for my liking (probably a good thing he is too young, but it was nice to feel attractive instead of too big and too loud for once) and I got to know Jon a lot better too. I loved and hated Japan for all that it was and wasn't, as always. And I learned that no matter how much you dislike someone at first glance, if you give it a go you can almost learn to like anyone. You need the reassurance that you are fighting the same fights and winning the same victories no matter who you are sharing them with when you are so far from home.
Karaoke, McDonalds stalking, Caramello koala eating, 3am bathing, so many anecdotes so little time...
I am having a vague day but if I think of any more to say I will add it later...
Love to you all. I wish you could have been here this weekend, its the only way to have a clue how content I feel right now..
posted by Claire English @ 10:09 PM

Saturday, October 13, 2001

Hello, back again. I actually meant to write this last Monday but have been typical exchange student emotionally unstable ball of rage all month so decided to let it wait until i got back on top of things... and here I am. Hurrah!
Well yesterday was the anniversary of 6 months since i left. Which scared me senseless as I have no idea where the last month went and I don't think I have improved my speaking in the last month at all- eek!
But what i really wanted to write about was visiting the Pixies a few weeks back.
And no, my host mother hasn't been cooking with the wrong kind of mushrooms, and no Tori Amos has not convinced me faeries exist, yet... I am talking about my host grandparents. They were very, different. In a good way. (And yes these ones were very much ALIVE incase you are thinking of the last time!) I will tell you how it started...
Well we got up to leave by 6am to get there by 11am, but of course on Shigeno/Claire time that meant leaving at 6:50 with my host father pulling his hair out and the dogs waking up the entire neighbourhood and Maki refusing to leave the bathroom- oh I will miss them so! Anyway we drove for hours and hours and I pretty much slept the whole way there and was really vague and sleepy when we first arrived. Actually I was asleep when we first arrived, my host mum shook me awake and we were parked infront of this strange construction, I wouldn't have called it a house it seemed to be put together with pieces of blue tarpaulin and rotting wood with a homemade wooden garage type thing attached to the front of the house.
As I was staring blankly and confusedly (that's not a word is it?!) around something else bounded in to view. It was a white haired toothless old man in his half unbuttoned pajamas doing what appeared to be galloping towards the car. MY first reaction was to start shouting 'Alright everyone don't panic, obviously someone has escaped from the crazy home we saw a few kilometers back, noone make any sudden moves or make direct eye contact and everything will be fine.' Unfortunately my HOST MUM's first reaction was to exclaim loudly 'Daddy! We're here!' Yes, the toothless old man was the wise, well known doctor specialising in cancer I had heard so much about.
So, as not to be rude I slooowly climbed out of the car- and landed up to my calves in fresh mud. Fantastic. I am great with first impressions. Of course I had been preparing for quite a different afternoon and had dressed up in my good pants, feather belt, Heeled boots, and make up, and was beginning to feel stupider by the second. Even Maki had dressed down (Pravda Jeans, Victoria's Secret Underwear band showing ofcourse, Black three quarter GAP top, and for the first time ever- flat shoes.) Why didn't I take the hint? So as we waded our way through the mud, to the jungle like garden, and eventually inside I tried to compose myself as my host family continued to piss themselves laughing at me. There are downsides to being treated like a regular member of the family - you still get teased!
So we got inside and did the introductions which included meeting my host grandmother, who, although I didn't have a tape measure, I am quite certain was approximately 4 foot tall! Also with inaka (country) style simple clothing (the pajamas weren't pajamas at all) and a big crooked smile. She was quite gorgeous, She sort of looked like she jumped out of a children's story book, a little like the tree in Pocahontas.
She was cooking Tempura which is deep-fried vegetables or seafood. They live very close to the beach and have a large, and very wild, vegetable garden so she had a lot to cook. And I mean a lot. This happened three weeks ago and we would still be eating the left overs if Yuki hadn't chucked a fit and threw the rest of it out a fortnight ago. There were plates and plates and plates of it. But she wasn't half done yet and she asked Maki and I to go outside and pick some vegetables. Easier said than done. My host grandfather took me out first to show me the general direction of where all the different vegetables were. He was actually really lovely. I have no idea what he said at all, he speaks old japanese that is extra difficult to understand, and was speaking too fast so I worked on perfecting my 'Oh really?' and 'Of course, hahahah' and blank but interested smile. So it was all good. My host family were impressed because he is known for absolutely chewing your ear off and I must have looked like I was paying attention. Damn I will have good people skills after this!
So Maki and I were handed an empty basket and told to go and pick vegetables. We eyed each other nervously as we ventured in to the wilderness. To make this shorter I will just tell you how we looked when we got back in to the kitchen. Maki had a large hole in the back of her Victoria's secret underwear where she had been snagged by a twig. My hair had been blown in to a style so big the eighties would have been impressed. My pants had various unidentifiable dark coloured stains on the knees and butt, our hands and nails were brown and yucky, Maki was muttering obscenities (or what I assume was obscenities, It may have been prayers of thanks that we made it back alive) and we were both looking a lot less respectable than when we left. It was funny I suppose... pity about my pants!
So I think after that we ate, and ate, and ate, and ate. Whilst listening to english christmas carols as it was the only foreign music they owned and it was supposed to make me feel at home! and they gave me a large pinecone. yes I know, I have no idea why either. Something to do with christmas?
We spent the rest of the day at the beach and chatting and stuff, and I sort of began to understand these little pixie people. They were happy without any of the plastic shiny things in life I guess. Happy to eat the fish he caught and the vegetable they picked.
It was a change from Tokyo, that's for sure!!
It started to get dark and I watched them jumping about gathering things here and there, and we packed up the car with what would fill half a fruit and vegetable store (Mum, these figs are incredible! and the fig jam is even better!) and set off for home.
Maki got a big grin on her face as we were leaving as my host grandparents were holding little envelopes. Which we were given on the way out and told to open in the car. There was one for each of us. I thanked them and headed out to the car. We waved goodbye to them and drove back to the lights and the chainstores and the city. About half way home i opened the envelope. There was money inside. Now, the most i have ever been given in cash in my life for even a birthday is $50. Inside this envelope was what is now the equivalent of $200.
Coming from a house where you could count the number of light switches on both hands.
I was visited by the Pixies. One without teeth and one who looks like a tree from a disney cartoon. Cool, huh?
posted by Claire English @ 3:23 PM

Tuesday, October 09, 2001

Hello everyone!
I just got back from a long weekend at Jessica's and realised how nice it is to have a break! I got home to have the video rental guy getting angry at me for bringing my CD's back a couple of days late ( I mean really, should you be able to put a time limit on musical enjoyment?) And the forms for the student train ticket for my trip to Kyoto at the end of the month (yay!) and ofcourse- school....
Now I know some of you back home think you have done eigtheenth birthday parties a hundred times, but I am writing this to let you know, you ain't done an eighteenth 'til you've done it jappo style!
It was Jessica's culture festival on Sunday and her Birthday Party on Monday so I was there from the preparations right through til we threw them all out at the end. It was so cute guys! We did everything short of pin the tail on the donkey and pass the parcel! It was the only eighteenth I have ever been to where the main meal was raw fish sushi and drink was Oolong tea- ofcourse we made up for that by eating our weight in fried Chicken and Cadbury chocolate someone sent- hurrah for chocolate with a sugar and fat content (Japanese chocolate tastes like rock hard sugared cardboard)- so it was fun anyway.
We had a catch up with the other gaijin as well (hello to Lisa, John and Fred- wasnt it fun?!) I have a feeling between the slightly leud jokes, which although we sensored in the translation, probably didnt help, and my various renditions of tokyo slang in boy form as well as forcing them to turn off the J-pop and listen to Kate Bush, probably left the japanese guests slightly concerned and frightened about their safety- but we had months of culture shock I am sure they can cope with an afternoon of it...
I actually sort of realised that the jokes that left me in tears and rolling on the floor were not at all funny to the japanese, and wouldnt be at all funny to people at home- so it seems we have created a whole new form of humor, we arent Japanese, but we aren't 100% Australian either (thanks to Andi and Maki my english is appalling!) so we just make lots of jokes about what freaks we are... its funny if you are one of us... Hmmm.
As we were eating lunch and speaking in our rediculous Japlish sentences to eachother I just kept getting hit with these waves of 'Aw I love these people' which is amusing considering how hostile I was to them in the beginning. Now I just watch them quietly while they gabble in their Aussie accent japanese and listen to the way we have all really managed to handle this- we have really come a long way. And I just think to myself that I am so glad that even though we are so completely different and mismatched, I am so glad we have that little bit of comfort.
I am more and more content as the weeks pass. Partly because the language is easier and partly because i know i dont have that much time left.
The last three months are supposed to be the best, and I think that might be true.
Happy Birthday again Jess, and thanks for a great weekend!
Bye everyone...not long now....
posted by Claire English @ 3:56 PM

Saturday, October 06, 2001

Hmm I have been slack again and not been bothered for a few weeks, sorry. I did write one and then I scrapped it because I was pretending to be funnier than I actually was...!!
So, I hope everyone is fine, and that its a bit warmer in Brisbane than it is here, the winter will surely be the end of me...!
It has been an interesting two weeks, beginning with the rediculous 6 month low that most exchange students get (which ofcourse I was adimant I wouldn't get and was thus affected twice as badly) which was anything but fun, but made me a bit more realistic about things- eventually you have to tell people you have enough trouble fighting your own fights and dont need others as well... but we all know it will be a long time before I sort that problem out- my mum still hasn't!
Also the social event of the year (here is ocha-co social life in a nutshell) the school Bunkasai or culture festival. Every school has one and the bigger and richer the school the better they are. Unfortunately our school is dirty and poor but it was pretty good anyway... Japanese school boys are just so pretty and funky, I just sat for hours with Andi watching them strut it was funny.

Everyone had to pick jobs and tents to do, there was one for rock bands and various ones for food, and one to make glass flowers, and manga tents where you could buy postcards and drawings and be drawn etc, and one for peoples rights and charities with a charity bazzar selling everything from old sports shoes to antique jewellery, and ikebana, and hmm... lots more.
The volleyball team had to cook Yakisoba (flavoured noodles with stir fry cabbage and vegetables) unfortuantely I think we would be shut down by the health inspectors within minutes if we ever considered opening up for real, that or all our customers would die of starvation waiting for Eru and Claire to artistically sprinkle fish flakes and nori (seaweed) over the noodles ensuring not to take attention away from the pretty pink ginger bundles in the corners (it took us about 15 minutes from order time to get it on to the table- for a school festival thats a pretty lame effort but we had fun) And I was the girl who screamed 'IRASHAIMASE, OKYASAMA DOZO' (welcome, go ahead customers!) at the charity bazaar so I did my bit.

I also watched a few of the bands- all with nonsensical english names because thats what's cool. My art friends band was called 'Met Met' their set was called 'never dead ever good' and the girls from my grade's band was called 'Styrish brains' It was meant to be Stylish brains but there appears to be a typo...gotta love japan.
I have about 15 weeks left so its not long at all now. I had a momentus day yesterday when I realised that for the last few weeks I have actually understood life skills class. And yesterday I was able to listen, understand and contribute in a somewhat valid way so hurrah for me! I cant believe it has taken this long but I suppose it is a class for year 11 students and my japanese is lower than or equal to first grade primary school level, so it is not too bad an effort! Lifeskills involves classes on credit cards, and marriage legalities, so I am sure to be equipped with many vital life skills when I get home....
There was an anecdote about meeting my host mums parents but I will get that up soon...after all these ones were alive so I even have something to write about...!
See you in three and a half months or so...

posted by Claire English @ 4:16 PM

Monday, September 17, 2001

Boohoo! The dance contest is over and I will never dance at Ocha again! Damn it I really dont want to be feeling disappointed- whats wrong with me? I hate dance competitions! I mean I am still wearing my costume (Miss Swiss and I are waiting for the after party to start- we can't leave school the typhoon is raging outside) and I really do look stupider everytime i look in the mirror. And i have looked 7 times in the last minute which means I look seven times stupider than i did a minute ago, but to be quite honest its kind of fun, in a I-need-to- be-booked-in-to-a-mental-institution kind of way.

I never was a ballet dancer as a child (something to do being totally unco-ordinated, unable to follow instructions, and spending more time in my imaginary world than the real one- bad excuses I know) so I never got the backstage nerves and make up frenzies so I am making it for lost opportunities. Pity I am not four years old as I just look like a overgrown kindegartener with learning difficulties sitting here in my red tulle and yellow head band with little feelers attatched and giant blue cape that I imagine was designed to make us look like superheroes, but in reality just makes us all stoop under the weight like an evil crone in a tutu. But hey, atleast i my costume doesn't make me look like a yodelling milk maid like some swiss people i know (*ouch* she is kicking me). And i only screwed up 7 or eight times a minute so thats an improvement!

I am going to try to avoid talking about current events because I am sure we have all had our ears full of it, and the chances of anyone coming to my site to catch up on current political and world issues, is slim to none, but i feel i ought to atleast mention it just so i have something about this week, especially Tuesday stored. Japan is getting nervous about all the American bases on Okinawa and the mainland being bombed, which is fair enough, but I dont think we are in too much danger yet... And Stephen taught me yesterday that there won't be a World war three until there is division, and everyone is on America's side at the moment so we shouldn't be too worried about a world war yet. (Thank you Mr Dillon)!

I hope everyone back home is okay and if you have relatives in the states that they are coping as well as they can...
Oooh Party time! (Lets see how crazy these Japanese straights can be, we may even drink lemonade if we promise not to get too hypo!)
Have a good week everyone...

posted by Claire English @ 9:53 AM

Sunday, September 02, 2001

Good evening everyone...
This is just a brilliantly exciting entry to tell you that I have returned to OCHA. *shudder* Thats right the summer holidays are over, and school has recommenced for the second and final half of my trip... Yup- passed the half way point last week and I am on the down hill run.... scary isnt it?!
As Caitlin so aptly put it in her block email, I dont want to go to school because I really feel like that part of my life is over, but as Jessica soon discovered last term, if you wag every day you only end up spending too much money and everyday in McDonalds eating Cheezu Bagas whilst PIEE rings and bitches at you in japanese you dont understand because the only japanese you have been learning is 'hitotsu cheezu baga pikuru nashi onegaishimasu' (one cheese burger without pickle please) and the likelyhood of PIEE ringing to ask you what your McDonalds order will be is fairly slim...
So I am back at school, back at ba-re bo-ru (volleyball) and right now I dont feel so bad. Miss Swiss and i tried to figure out where our contentedness in things we used to despise about our lives -eg. the excessive amount of time spent in starbucks, our lack of weight loss (yes the last two are connected now leave me alone) our lack of respect from moronic peers at school, and frustratingly limited vocab- actually arose from (is it laziness or adjustment?) But all I know is, we are doing the best we can, and really arent doing too badly either. (I like denial, its great)
Just before I go, a final note on my bud Fred's unbelievable Television debut. You rock my world Fred, I was so damn impressed. It takes talent to run around like an idiot answering stupid japanese questions by hurdling your body on to 10m wide cardboard 'X' infront of 25 000 people and television cameras and i know I couldnt have done it. You made me proud, and dont worry too much about loosing I am pretty sure the Mongolians were cheating (no, I have nothing to back that up with I was just trying to make you feel better).
So KAMPAI (cheers) and here's to another blood curdlingly exciting school term at Ochanomizu....
posted by Claire English @ 9:49 PM

Monday, August 27, 2001

Good evening all..
this is going to be quick as i am exhausted! I have still not recovered from all night karaoke on saturday night, the 12 til 5 shift is long, even with the joys of partying with Britney fans *shudder* I was out with the girl from Brunei and a couple of teh other ALTs from the chiba camp which was fun, and I sang lots of Alanis Morrisette and Sheryl Crow which I enjoyed...what will i do without quality karaoke when i get home?!
I had my 'photo shoot' today with the editor from Bennesse. Should be interesting, from the photos i appear to look like a fat white flavour free sushi so perhaps i will end up in the cooking section instead. Only time will tell. Oh I think i forgot to mention it isnt actually a magazine it is a text book for 15year old japanese students studying english. I will be educating 20 000 japanese students in Tokyo next year (hehehehe) and will be excited at the prospect of how many fangs, blacked in teeth, pirate eye patches, enormous pamela anderson fake boobs, and not so witty japanese speech bubbles that will no doubt be drawn on my round little volleyball of a noggin next year.
Oh i will never die! I will live on in the form of a fat toothless pirate with pamela anderson boobs in the text books of japan- I am simply moved to tears.
On to something more real than Pammies boobs I delivered my speech to the new exchange students on Saturday afternoon. They were so adorable. At first i was jealous that they get the chance to do this all over again, all the trials and little excitements and small victories, but then I came to my senses. As if I would ever want to live that first month again! iyada! (yucky) I am quite happy being able to go to the post office and bank without needing to take a paper bag to place over my head incase of 1.hyperventilation due to stress or 2. disguise incase of too many starering japanese munters, I quite like it this way! The students are all having their first meal with their host families tonight, poor things, I am sure they are flipping out! Oh I feel all clucky!
But it was great to see that i had actually learned something since i arrived, it was nice to be the sempai (elder) instead of the kowhai (protoge) for once! And delivering my speech was actually kind of fun, its nice when you have people who actually need to listen! makes a change from delivering oral presentations at school to an audience of students attempting to write their own speeches as opposed to listening to yours, or debating where they were only listening so they could rip your speech apart! But yeah it was cool.
There is a game show coming to Tokyo, a quiz of some description, and dammit I wanna be a tv star! Even though as miss swiss pointed out it is more than likely just a show designed to poke fun at the gaijin answering teh questions strangely, or simply not understanding the questions at all...but whatever! (sorry about that 'whatever,' I am still attempting to flush the Britney Spears from my brain cells.)
Oyasumi minna Good night everyone... sorry this was so uninspired...! Volley tomorrow, if i am bothered!
Love Kureya chan (my name)
posted by Claire English @ 11:06 PM