Friday, July 27, 2001

Hi everyone,
Soaking up the summer holidays, its great. I hope you are all getting along well. I am feeling really settled at the moment, finally being in a stage where i don't need to be 100 percent perfect and polite anymore because i have enough people in my life who like me and know me enough not to care- i can actually relax. Its great! I have my japanese friends if I want to hang out with them, and i have miss swiss if i want to see her, and i have my host sister and her friends for something else to do. And ofcourse my host family who never cease to make me giggle. I woke up at 3 am to go to the bathroom the other night, only to discover my host brother slinking up the corridor with a baseball helmet on his head and a large jar in his hand. I was sort of sleepy and somehow managed to get my brain to process what was going on and mutter 'nani wo shiteru no?' (what are you doing?!!!) he replied 'Uru sai no!' (shhhhhh) i followed him in to his room with my host sister crouching in the corner of the room. By now i was awake and completely confused. I bumped the door on the way in to the room and they both started screaming 'AAAAAAaaaagh Aagh aaagh aagh' it shocked the living fish out of me. And i did actually have living fish in me. We had been eating these fish things for dinner that were actually still alive, you just picked them up and swallowed them. *shudder* never again. Anyway back to the story, these two crazy japanese siblings of mine are jumping up and down screaming like children, lets bare in mind my sister is 18 and my brother is 20, and it was all over... a cockroach. A tiny bloody little cockroach. I hit the wall, made it run on to the floor and promptly squashed it with my bare foot before storming out of the room and going to bed.
There was a long pause after I left the room. Followed by loud fits of giggles. I will never live it down. They really do think I am the oddest thing to ever step slipper (not foot, not in japan) in their house.
Meh. Go the aussies. Excpet Ian Thorpe. My host father told me he thinks the only famous Australians he has every heard of are Crocodile Dundee and Ian Thorpe. Oh the humanity. Our two least attractive exports.The guy with the big snake in his hands, and the guy with the small snake in his speedos. oh well. One day i will host MTV japan like this chick called Christelle. I idolise her. Oh man to be able to speak japanese well enough to host MTV and interview famous people. And I will be the girl with snakes... uh... hmm let me work on it. Thats my homework!
Signing off
love you all xx
posted by Claire English @ 5:56 PM

Friday, July 20, 2001

Well this is the inevitable other half! I should probably have written it when i was actually feeling some of these things earlier in the week, but I am sure i can remember...! If you havent read the previous entry please read it before this one or you will think i am a negative horrible person who isnt having half so much fun as i am.
Okay this is the half that other exchange students will relate to wherever they are, Belgium, Japan, Germany, France, wherever...
Six things that I find trying about being in Japan...
1. Without a doubt Number one is The mood swings. this beats homesickness ten to one, no competition.
I have no way of discribing it really. I have tried a hundred times to explain why some days you want to proclaim Japan the world greatest country that ever has and ever will exist and other days you figure not only does hell on earth exist, but you are living and breathing it everyday. Why some days you could fuel the worlds electricity with a spark of your happiness and other days you wonder why you chose to live in the darkest place on the globe. If i felt like this at home i would ABSOLUTELY hospitalise myself. But i am a ryugakusei (an exchange student) and this is NORMAL. It happens so fast too. The littlest things pull you down a hundred knotts a second. You rate the fact that you cant order McDonalds in Japanese along side with World debt, poverty and starvation. Its like an incredibly bad trip, a living nightmare, but its also the closest you get to feeling really alive. You know at this point that you are on your own. Completely. You know you arent dying. You know you are fighting and winning. You know not everyone can do this, but you know that you can. And then you are back up on a high. Your host mum is angry at you, you are so low you just want to fall asleep and never wake up again. Your friend calls you unexpectadly, you know you are living an incredible life and earning independance, you are so high people wonder where you really went on your lunch break. Its living an elastic band existance. The first month was an absolute killer. Something i would never want to do again, but am so glad i did. i wish i could explain it better but i cant... just be pleased i had people to look after me that first month, mum or you would be facing heavy shrink bills!
2. Homesickness. It comes and goes. sometimes when you are really tired, you just want to go round to the palmers collapse on the couch in the back room with thomas and nell, loretta and stephen and maybe even craig for entertainment, and just watch mindless videos and have funny conversations, because you cant be bothered doing anything else. You just want to wake up to your mum cooking pikelets on sunday morning, with rachel watching video hits on the beanbag and ninny in the computer room, and dad making cappucinos. but you cant. And for a little while it sucks. But you just call miss swiss and head out to Musashiseki and bum around with her and it sort of works to distract you, until you figure you are okay again. And it happens for less and less time but just as frequently, you dont ever forget or stop thinking of home, its just how it effects you.
3. Culture shock. Why the hell do they do that? Why cant i do that? Why do they want me to do that? That isnt different its wrong dammit! wrong wrong wrong! But for me it was more like ' Why arent I pretty/ funny/ popular/ skinny/ entertaining/ normal here?' or 'Why am I am fat looser that noone can relate to with no friends or plans for the weekend here?' Again, it takes time to pick up the little things, and realise you really cant wear/ do/ act/ say whatever you want here if you want to be seen as anything but a total freak. Now if you know me, you will know how hard that was to learn. i have always said if you dont like me or accept me for what i am you can get.. yes well you can finish that on your own. But i found out being a lonely freak was actually worse than just complying to the rules a little. It culture shocked me a lot! Poor little me! But now i have finally made friends i actually like and my life is falling in to place, so i guess it was worthwhile if it meant finding Megumi's group...
4. The precision, neatness, perfection mindset. Hahaha, i will never ever be able to relate to this mindset. ever. I am slowly getting used to it, but... just the little things bug the shite out of me sometimes. Like at home, when we played hockey, my team were lazy. (sorry guys but we were) and we had fun. We couldnt give two hoots if someone took our place in line because (a) it meant we got a longer break, and (b) it just wasnt an issue. but here if i am in the wrong place in line, someone will SPRINT across the sports complex to tell me to get behind eru. It just doesnt make sense. Who cares where you are in line? They get pissed at you if you screw it up too much as well.... crazy crazy things. sorry, that was just a pet hate i had to get off my back. Anyway there is a lot of this kind of perfection. Being me, it took me a while to handle it.
5.The rush hour trains. Do not even start me on how much i loathe my 45 minute train journey at seven thirty in the morning. The first train is for 18 minutes and it is sooo crowded before i even get on, but then atleast twenty other people after me will force themselves on until arms and legs are protruding through the doors and the train guards literally have to push every one in and slam the doors with faces smushed against the glass. *shuddder* we sweat eachothers sweat, breathe eachothers diseases. put our hands up eachothers thighs... no wait that is just the repulsive business men we have to deal with. Anyway its bloody awful. but everyone is in such hell that we all shut our eyes and pretend we are elsewhere. The second train is worse. its almost empty but i am one of about 2 females on the train. And i am gaijin wearing school uniform. ie. personification of japanese males sexual fantasies. Most look and then look away. but teh worse ones are the starers.you look at them and they keep on looking. they are not embarassed to be caught perving. It doesnt happen often but when it does it makes me so frickin angry. *shudder shudder* but mostly it isnt as bad as i have just made out. just occasionally.
6. The weather. I am sick of not knowing whether to pack a coat or my swim suit. I am also sick of the horrible humidity that is almost killing me. But I am not allowing myself to be too bothered by it ofcourse!
Right I know its only six but i cant think of anymore just at the moment. I could start on the painful students from my school, hello kitty, or bubble gum stupid britney girls, but i have probably told you individually. I could start on my lack of love interest but that is for group emails to my friends and not the general public!! So I am off to the combini (convenience store) for lunch..
ja ne, stay cool everyone...
posted by Claire English @ 9:03 PM

Monday, July 16, 2001

Hi All,
This is an exercise a good friend of mine suggested. Its a list of the ten best things about my trip here. I also have a ten worst list but it isnt done yet, so this is the first half... Thank you by the way to the various people who responded to the last email, particularly Katie, I didnt expect an essay but thanks for your effort! Okay here goes...

10 Things I love about being in Japan...

1. The atmosphere at night in places like Kichijorji and the back streets of Harajuku where there is absolutely no reason to be afraid of anything because it is such a safe safe country. In these places there are often lots of westerners and its easy just to smile at passers by as you drink coffee or eat dinner in the cool summer air...Its as relaxed as Tokyo gets....

2. The trains, they come every 2-4 minutes and they are always soo nice and air conditioned, and so long as you miss rush hour they are actually quite pleasurable to ride. The trains are the places I have time to think without being so easily distracted. If I have a bad day it gives me atleast 40 minutes to compose myself and find a rhyme or reason, if one exists. If I have a good day it gives me time to think about and mull over it in my mind playing bits back in my head. It gives me time to think about home.

3. My room. Its my haven where I have spent many an hour scrawling messy kanji on my futon listening to mixed tapes from my friends or Tori, Beth Orton, and more recently Sleater Kinney. Its the place I go to sleep gazing out my paper window covers out in to the busy lights of Tokyo, its a place where time seems to slow...

4. The up coming freedom of summer holidays. I will visit Jessica, go on a trip with the other Aussies, spend time at the beach lighting fire works with my friends Megumi, Satomeg, Aiya and ofcourse miss swiss...

5. The lights that never stop. The city that never sleeps. A place where there is something to see (whether it be the awesome freaks, the controversial gothics, temples or shrines or markets...) a place where it is easy to feel alone in a crowd, but just as easy to be brave...(on a good day)

6. My host family. How could you not love my freakish, quiet but secretly naughty and quite attractive, in an effeminate way, host brother. my slightly attention seeking, loud as tokyo in a traffic jam, but apple of my host fathers eye host sister. My ever amusing, constantly ignored, forever starting conversations with whoever will listen, powerless but beautifully content roly poly host father. And finally the eternally patient, kind and loving, liable to solve all my problems with Baskin robbins ice cream, the one and the only haruyo my host mum.

7.Letter writing. Art work. Music. Email. The only things keeping my sanity. Without even being here Sophie, you have calmed my nerves to no end drawing for you. Jessica my Aussie friend who has had countless seemingly suicidal letters. Fred who has had to deal with many an angry agressive phone call as well as physical abuse when you were brave enough to see me in person! You, Jess and I have been crazy angry together and we are actually surviving this japan thing!

8. Andy. Miss Swiss has put up with me day in and day out, which half the time is something I wouldnt even want to do! I will die without you when i go home! Thank you endlessly for being my only friend in Japan at first and my best friend in japan forever. I will never forget you! How could I?!

9.Trees. Nature. What little of it there is. Particularly the park near my school which has seen me consume many an ice cream on the play equipment!

10. My family back home. Especially my dad coming to see me. I was stressed as all hell about using this year to get fluent and mature without any stopping along the way. Thank you for telling me that even if I never use this language again that you have seem me grow enough to know it has been worthwhile. I will still learn the language for me, but thank you for being proud of me for doing what seems like nothing. Thanks mum for my packages, and your letters and photos from home, every time i talk to you on the phone I feel like I am having a twenty minute hug. Ninny for being you. I love your letter by the way and our conversations always make me laugh. I show the photos of you often and always say 'this is my brother, but he is also one of my best friends.' Little Rachel. Oh gosh you are growing up sooo much. I read your emails and it makes me want to cry. You are growing up to be so great. Greater than i ever imagined- keep it up poodlebum.

Uh yeah thats it. Cheers to summer vacation starting on Thursday. I need it soo bad! Stay safe and lovely, I hope you are all finding great things in your lives too...
posted by Claire English @ 1:05 PM

Sunday, July 08, 2001

Well, poor Vanessa was given such a lovely parting memory of Japan, a train full of surly sleazy business men pressed up against her so closely she had no choice but to stand between a sitting mans legs and bend on a 60 degree angle for 28 minutes! Sorry about that again Ness, but i really do have to put up with it on a daily basis so its only fair! And without being unkind it was certainly amusing to find out what I must look like! Hehe! It was great having her here though, as short as it was and I hope those of you in Europe (Caitlin, Aimee, Shannon) manage to catch up with her because she is a lot of fun...
And ofcourse Dad. Well, as I left you looking around somewhat lost in your beige coloured bowling hat amongst the little dark haired pixie people I almost shed a tear thinking about how far you have come, just think- only 3 days ago you couldnt even catch a chikatetsu (subway) on your own- and now look! On a serious note though it was sad to see him go. He made me realise I have come quite a way since that morning at the Pancake Parlour, barely three months ago...
One of a few things dad taught me this trip was that a lot of my rambling insight in to the japanese people actually does bare some interest to some people. If this isnt you feel free to stop reading here. If you are japanese, living or have lived in japan and have your own views please dont be offended it is simply ramblings... 'Okay the preamble is over' (quote sam fiorenza 2001).
Okay the first one is about Personal Responsibility. The japanese people are generally, although not religious, highly spiritual people. The majority, if they are religious, often claim to be both buddhist and Shinto. According to my source the good shintoist knows that they must simply behave themselves to stay in the good books. That means the usual, no lying, no stealing, no adultery etc- just behave yourself. The religion states that drinking sake is very spiritual and when you drink it you drink it with your gods. The buddhist religion on the other hand states that you must not drink sake. This means that it is very convenient to take on both religions if you like to drink sake, because you can choose what you want from each... take that how you will! But both religions state that you must not steal, lie etc. and whether or not this religious base has anything to do with it or not - the japanese dont steal. it would be so easy to flog everything here. noone watches any stalls or stores and things are always out in the street for you to bring in pay for and noone ever steals any of it. i love australia, but if anyone left there merchandise unwatched all day there simply wouldnt be any of it left. But people do not steal here, because...I have no idea. And again, There is no rubbish, and no bins anywhere. The streets are spotless, but you see about one rubbish bin a day. Where does it all go? They take personal responsibility for it, why.... I have no idea. Public toilets rarely have any toilet paper- why? Because every japanese woman i have met carries a small package of tissues with them for public toilets, there is no need for toilet paper in the toilets... again- personal responsibility. There are no dryers or paper towels in public toilets- why? Because every japanese woman i have ever met carries around hankerchief for that exact purpose... its all about personal responsibility here.
Class at school. Students can sleep through every class, give eachother hair cuts in the science sinks, use class time to go from room to room selling stuff, and teachers never bat an eye lid. Because if they dont listen they can fail. They learn to take personal responsibility. Students study at Cram school after school to remain ahead of classes and to guarantee a good mark. If they dont, they have a greater chance of failing. They dont have to go- but they do. at my school ALL of them go. Because they are taking personal responsibility for their grades... Whats the deal. Why do westerners in comparison have seemingly no personal responsibility for anything? Why do we have rubbish, crime, toilet paper, hand dryers, school waggers, student detentions, people in trouble for not studying? Do the japanese in their anally retentive seemingly uptight and no-fun policy actually have it right? What do you think? If you have an opinion feel free to email me or post something on the guest book... I am interested to know what you are all thinking... I could natually go on for hours about this- but I will stop for now... More soon though... I have started on something and we all know what an agressive debater I was....watch out....
Take care. I love you dad. thanks for a great weekend...
posted by Claire English @ 7:33 PM